Are We Helping Kids Handle Emotions—Or Just Hoping They’ll Figure It Out?

We've all seen it. 

• A young athlete storms off the field. 
• A child bursts into tears over what appears to be a minor setback.
• Someone slams the wall because they just can't do it! ( I once broke a bone in my hand! )

In those moments, the typical adult response ( or at least what I used to do ) is to react:

• "Calm down."
• "Take a break."
• "What's wrong with you today?"

But are we helping them learn how to manage their emotions? ( I wasn't ) Or are we  mostly reacting after emotions take over? ( I certainly was when I began teaching, was a new parent, and when I coached)

From Reactive to Proactive: A Shift That Matters

Many well-meaning adults—teachers, parents, coaches— ( me ) respond in the moment with the best intentions. However, too often, we stay in reaction mode, waiting for behaviors to escalate before intervening.

What if we flipped the script?What if we taught emotional regulation proactively—before the outburst, the meltdown, the freeze? Research-based frameworks like The Zones of Regulation® emphasize this very approach: helping students identify what they're feeling and take action to support themselves.

Are We Helping Kids Do More Than Just Talk? 

Let's reflect together:

• Are we building routines that invite kids to think about how they're feeling before it gets too big?
• Are we giving time to focus and reflect, not just talk it out?
• Are we offering tools that students can use quietly and independently to help themselves reset?

While language and conversation are essential, regulation often begins with doing—small physical or visual tasks that engage the senses and calm the nervous system.

The Power of Hands-On Emotional Tools

Sometimes, a child doesn't need more words. They need a moment of calm. A quiet way to focus. A tool that helps them regroup.

That might look like:

• Raking calming patterns in sand
• Sorting color-coded emotional objects
• Writing a feeling down, then physically setting it aside
• Choosing a visual prompt to reflect on what's happening inside

These hands-on strategies don't replace conversation—they prepare kids for it. They give them space to self-regulate, not just be corrected.

Teaching Emotional Skills Is Like Training a Muscle

Just as we teach children how to read or kick a soccer ball, we can teach them how to manage their emotions. But it takes:

• Practice during calm moments or before they get in the batter's box or on the pitching mound
  
• Consistency across home, school, activities and the big game
• Tools that meet them where they are developmentally

The Zones of Regulation reminds us that emotional regulation is not intuitive for everyone—it must be taught, modeled, and supported.

You can explore the research and classroom applications here: zonesofregulation.com